32 Days...

So...as of today and the current plan (things can always change with Bryan's work...) is to be moved or rather, on the road in 32 days.

Am I nervous? Heck yes. Am I worried about being more alone there than I have been this year? Yes, I mean who would not be worried about being hundreds of miles away from friends and family. Am I afraid of living Bryan's life and not mine? TOTALLY.

It is hard to be the person moving to a place and a home that the other person has an established group of friends, their family and their way of life. I will of course be included...but it is scary.

It is hard to move where there will be very little room/time to make new friends that are my age and share in the interests that the circle of friends I will inherit will be interested in. It is very difficult to be a 24 something year old in a world of people who are married and have families...who do not like loud, bumpin' clubs, who worry about if their child is behaving the sitter or allowing Grandma to have a relaxing night, who have bed times to follow and must eat dinner by 6 or the world will crumble...(that's dramatic...but seriously...kid schedules are INSANE and rule everyone's world around them!)

It is difficult to be the only person floundering around trying to find what they want to do with their lives...teaching in MI was a bust and it will require more schooling in MO...everyone else in "our" group has a steady job and will not be changing anytime soon. I'm 24 I am supposed to have time "figure out life" and to do the best for me...But I feel this makes me look not only like a gold digger and lazy S.O.B. but like a failure...WHICH IS UNACCEPTABLE!

WHAT ARE THE POSITIVES? Well, despite the above long list of worries, complaints and whines, there are many great opportunities that will just take some time to get used to.

Although I am individual who hates change, almost to a debilitating level (I came home and cried because our landlord moved the furniture, moved our kitchen stuff, touched our bed spread and sprayed nasty old lady smelling chemicals...) I work very hard at embracing, accepting and working with change. I know sometimes change cannot be controlled...but this HUGE change in lifestyle and well, location is MY choice and no one else's...but somehow I am still stressed...so finding the positives is what is keeping me sane and ready to move...

1. In such a crazy short time I have fallen head over heals for this guy (he has also fallen head over heels) who happens to be from the Show Me State. He has a fabulous job that can keep us in the STL or can move us all over the country year after year and he has no say in what happens (I hope the next project is the one in Hawaii...that'd be a great move!). Point being...if I still had a teaching job we could not stay in Michigan...because who's job should we follow..the unstable teacher or the stable Clayco job...I can teach most anywhere or make do with any stupid, piddly part-time job. I will move anywhere he does...because I know if roles were reversed he would do the same. We share so many interests and LOVE spending every minute we can together. I'd say it's worth moving anywhere and everywhere to be with the one person who completes you and accepts you.

2. It's an adventure to live somewhere else. Even though I have been there many, many, many times in the past 9 months it will still be new and different for me. There is only so much you can do when you're there for three days and the limited time is spent visiting everyone like: traveling to the farm, working on the farm, hangin' with friends, and maybe having time to paint and clean and prepare the house for a new life. although I have been there there's so much to still experience. So, I am excited to go there and have time to experience everything that there is! (and perhaps I will have a small dog to explore with!!! YAYYYY!) LOL

3. It will be fun to try to find a job or to figure out what I can do with a unusable teaching degree. Afterall, I've been applying for jobs for three months...so hopefully something will work out and come to be a reality! So although I DETEST the job hunt and just did it in MI...I kind of look forward to finding something in MO. I feel there are so many options and that I will FIND the one thing that is better than teaching...or equal to it!

4. I am excited to work on the house. The house is awesome. It is better than anything I could have imagined. It is cute and retro and ready to be loved (Bryan has failed to love it... he has only shown it like...LOL). It will be fabulous to create something that is ours and that is what we would like to live in. We want to have a place to live, love and grow and to entertain our friends and family. The backyard already has a dog fence that is perfect for the mini pet I will be allowed to get...SO that is all taken care of! ;) I love the feeling of accomplishment we get with our first time paint jobs and re-decorating of a room--we may not be awesome at it but we are learning and as we create and the end product will be amazing!

5. I look forward to the time that we get to spend with Bryan's good friends, Bryan's Family and the time we get to spend having my family and friends come over and see my new life outside of the watery mitten. I am excited to see what things we do with our friends and families and the other people that we pick up on the way!

There are so many worries that I have been struggling with the last two months...my hopes are that in the next 32 days (preferably earlier) that they go away or are more at peace...I am sure this is an impossible feat! It will be a bittersweet moment when we pack up what will remain at the condo, hop into our cars and start heading West to Missouri. There will be tears and probably a HUGE ball of worry and sadness but what will lie ahead on I-70 is a great adventure!